One of those bad days.

It's 10:38 pm and we just got home. I didn't wake up today thinking "This is going to be a good day!" but it still hurts that it wasn't. We went to look at a house, a house to rent. I'm usually very reasonable about these things so when my mom was telling me about it she was defensive from the start. I don't know why, but that scene in the Next Three Days came to mind where the deaf guys says, "You want this too much, you're gonna f*** it up." My mom told me later that she was being defensive about it because she was already depending on my dad being against the idea and she just wanted someone on her side. I can understand this. We went, we looked at the house. Everything is of gigantic proportions, but there are a lot of things about it that aren't exactly perfect. But nothing is perfect. Not even the house we have now. The things that are not perfect: It has carpet, no fence, and no pool. Mostly all things that only matter because of our dog. The last one my mom has just always wanted, but can live without. She has been for 20+ years now anyway. So what do you suppose happened after we saw the house? An especially heated argument. How can I talk about things so coolly? It happens all the time. They get worse obviously. Like the things said in today's argument were... well damning to any possible repair to their relationship. When these things happen I'm not surprised, but afterwards, once I'm alone I think about how unhappy everyone is around me and it just, it just makes me cry. I used to only cry about Justin and today I found myself wanting to talk to him. I just feel like he'd understand, not because his parents have gotten divorced or had issues, but I don't know because he understands me I guess. Once we got home I really didn't know what to do with myself. I tried to watch a couple of things on the computer, only to feel extremely off in my choices of entertainment. I ended on Girls Just Want to Have Fun, which I will continue watching in just a second. But mom walked in earlier around dinner time saying she was going to Subway and to get plants and that I didn't have to come, but she wasn't going to announce to everyone where she was going. I went and we talked. A lot. But it didn't help either of us I think. Everything is still the same, if not worse by our momentary absence. We drove by the house again to see what the neighborhood was like at night time. And then we stayed in the car for maybe an hour in the driveway. An annoying "mosquito" was our only company.