Think Happy Thoughts

I've come to the conclusion. Or the realization. Whatever you want to label it as, that I'm a very negative person. I didn't always used to be this way. I remember when I was bubbly and full of giggles and light. No worries, no anxiety. Completely free of sadness and depression. And I compare the me that I am now and it's crazy. The stark contrast. The answer isn't that I've grown up because I'm still a child in so many ways. I'm still immature, I still make mistakes and I don't even do what is expected of me at this age. I've given up the best part of being young, the carefree attitude and I've taken on the serious attitude of an adult with all its burdens and pain. But I haven't gotten a job, I'm "figuring" out what to do so I haven't gone to college, I finished high school late, got my driver's license late and I'm a shitty caretaker of pets. Do you see how negative I am? I keep reading these damn quotes every where: Think positive and positive things will happen. I really want to believe that, but the negative in me holds me back in believing. It's safer to be negative than to let yourself have hope. Instead of saying he's never going to get better is he? I should say he'll get better, no matter what happens, he will get better. And then let the chips fall where they may. This is not one of those stupid things where I'm gonna say now that I'm going to strive to be more positive in my life because it's a lot effin harder than just trying. Especially when it comes to changing something about yourself and mentality. When I think positively though it kind of gives me this feeling in my chest though, like heavy air is finding a pinhole to escape through. And it's relieving almost. So maybe I will try. And maybe I will succeed.