2 days until my birthday. I was excited 5 days ago. In light of the short conversation I had with my mom today, I have no idea who is going to take me to see Thor. Honestly I don't know if my mom is going to force herself or not to go, but that's what it will be if she goes; forcing herself. It might just be me and my dad, which would be fucking awkward. But the thing is that's not even important. Not even a tiny bit. It doesn't matter if I see Thor on my birthday. It doesn't matter because my parents are getting divorced. And I'm reaching out to all these people I never thought I ever would have. I told Justin I missed talking to him. Justin. Who annoys the shit out of me because all he can be is immature now around me. I looked up Mariel and I actually found her this time; and she's still beautiful; and I want to add her, but I don't know what to say and I don't want her to get the wrong idea that I'm adding her to spy on her or find out things about her mom because I don't care. I honestly just need her right now and I don't even know why. I always looked up to her like a big sister when I was younger. She was a lot to me. And I still care so much what she thinks about me, so I won't add her. I'll wait very impatiently for her to maybe in 20 years add me. I want to talk to Isadora, but I don't want to talk about what is really going on. I've talked to her about my parents having problems before and I don't remember it ever making me feel that much better. It doesn't make the problem go away, but I just want to talk to somebody. I'd talk to my mom, but every time I do one of us ends up bursting into tears. I know mom wouldn't like me to say this, but I feel so alone. I feel so fucking alone and it scares the shit out of me.
