Not ready for the cold.

Well I just realized that I have no one to talk if the thing I need to talk about is upsetting to my mom. Ian wouldn't understand and Isadora isn't around. I'm trying to not be bitter about it, but I am. I don't like being mad at her, but I can't help it. I think I hide my feelings well, though. I go through four different phases with Isadora.

1. Bliss, when we're together, when we're talking, when I think we're really close, when she does something that blows away all previous feelings away in to some place far far away that I don't even remember having them.

2. Wonder/Longing. What she's doing, what's she thinking? I wish I could be with her. I really want to talk to her right now, but we just talked yesterday. I'm just being overly needy. I wonder when we'll talk next.

3. Sadness/Denial. Well I guess we're not going to be talking for awhile. Now I have no one to talk to. She's probably just busy, though. She would talk to me if she could, right? They just haven't given her any breaks. Poor thing. I haven't been online that much anyway. Mebbay she's been on and I haven't so we've just missed each other?

4. Anger/Acceptance. Okay. Well with the whole I haven't been online so we've missed each other bit. Bull. She could write me if she wanted to talk to me. And I know by now she has got to have at least 2 seconds of her time to say hi to me. I'm her best friend and I know not even an inkling of what's going on with her! I know what the general public knows and that's all. Whatever. I don't even want to talk to her anyway. I'm fine. *Stops thinking about it* *Not really*

Well I'm not going to write about what I'm sad about because I don't want to remember if I can help it, which I will remember. But whatever. I really wanted to talk to Ian and then he wasn't online. I mean that's all I thought on the ride home. It was like I was in the car with statues. It was such a stone silence. I don't blame anyone. I just kept thinking about talking to him on webcam or at least asking him if he wanted to. But he went to a party. And when we did talk for a little bit it was about this stupid girl named Caroline. (Sorry Caroline, you're not stupid, don't take it personally). I'm working on contracts right now. CRUD. I missed 11:11. It was important that I didn't miss it tonight. s word. It's a Collective Soul kind of night. Or at least has been. I might switch to someone sadder.