I disappoint myself.
I'm just still slightly angry, annoyed, mad. I wish there were new words for all these stupid emotions I have. Isadora. Isadora, I miss her. I'm about to get on a plane again, but for a different reason and it's not like I wasn't thinking about her absence in my life already, this just kind of made it a little bigger still. I think Ian cares about me more now. He cares about what I think anyway. He didn't before. Brad? I can't believe I'm talking about him on a public blog. I know he won't see it. Since none of my friends even know this thing exists. I just hate seeing posts by him. It's like that song, it sums it up perfectly. "The more I think about it the more I want to let you know that everything you do is super duper cute and I can't stand it." I won't talk about that anymore, though. I've also been thinking about Zach. I don't know why. I try to imagine myself with him to see if it's creepy or not haha. Hey, I'm just being honest. I have no idea how old he is. He could be younger than I think... or not. That guy I saw in Hobby Lobby? The guy I deemed "Ryan?" Well, his face has slowly melted away from my mind. It's like a blob with a Brobdingnagian beard now when I think about it. I remember his outfit better than his face. I hate when that happens. And I read this recent post by Cele that made me realize how immature he really is. Jackson hasn't written me back in forever I think he might be mad at me for not telling him I was going to be in town. So many other things. But this is rather boring if you don't know who any of the people are. Or if you don't even know who I am. I asked Max if he knew what kind of person I was? And he skipped over the question, ignored it. I was expecting an answer of sorts. Like dumb, silly girl. I know he wouldn't say that to my "face," but I know people form opinions about other people and I hadn't talked to him in four years or so, but he still sees all my stuff.
So what kind of person am I?
The facts:
I like baby yellow.
5' 5"
Weigh around 130 (last time I weighed myself which was a few months back).
Favorite food: Salad.
Status: Single.
What can I tell you about the things behind these facts?
Not really much. My favorite color when I was kid was powder blue, then after I watched Legally Blonde it became pink, for a. really. long. time. And then I decided I didn't want to be like every other girl. I still like pink, but I don't have to have it on everything I wear and covering my walls and my electronics. I'm wearing it right now har har. I've always considered myself really short. I'm still kind of sensitive about it because my Dad is not extremely tall for a man so he has always, always worried about height. We would constantly measure our heights on the wall at Grandma's and it seemed like some great accomplishment to everyone in the room when you announced you were taller. We'd also ask the doctor at check ups what the height was this time and then they would have to go through the whole trouble of converting it from centimeters or whatever it is taken in. I always feel sorry for that nurse who gets to do it. We still do it, but just not for me anymore since I've obviously hit my stop. My brother is, we think 6 feet by now. It's so funny, this thing we can't control, but is still looked on as an accomplishment. My Dad would always say I didn't drink enough water.
I never worried too much about my weight. I am a little more as I get older. I kind of look at my parents to see what I might look like. Isn't that the rule? I don't know what will happen. I've always loved healthy things since we owned an outside produce market. They're just so good, fruits and vegetables. I'm not a vegan or a vegetarian, though let's not get crazy. But salad is the best. Of course after stating this fact to other people I always kind of come to the brief conclusion again and again that it's really the dressing and toppings I love so much lol. I also love Subway ;] Hm. At the convention, it was the weirdest thing. I actually started to think about my life as if I stayed single the whole time. How I would support myself, etc. And it didn't seem so bad. I'd miss out on sex, which is probably the only thing really making that plan suck. Oh and children. I realllllly want children. 2 or 3. I kind of need a guy for that. I just can't really.... I don't know every time I picture my life I can't really imagine who the guy will be on the other end or what I'll be doing or what my kids will look like. I know I'm not supposed to be able to see the picture clearly, but aren't you supposed to have some foggy idea? And I guess as the years go on I feel like I'll never find someone. I'm gonna go to sleep now.
I never worried too much about my weight. I am a little more as I get older. I kind of look at my parents to see what I might look like. Isn't that the rule? I don't know what will happen. I've always loved healthy things since we owned an outside produce market. They're just so good, fruits and vegetables. I'm not a vegan or a vegetarian, though let's not get crazy. But salad is the best. Of course after stating this fact to other people I always kind of come to the brief conclusion again and again that it's really the dressing and toppings I love so much lol. I also love Subway ;] Hm. At the convention, it was the weirdest thing. I actually started to think about my life as if I stayed single the whole time. How I would support myself, etc. And it didn't seem so bad. I'd miss out on sex, which is probably the only thing really making that plan suck. Oh and children. I realllllly want children. 2 or 3. I kind of need a guy for that. I just can't really.... I don't know every time I picture my life I can't really imagine who the guy will be on the other end or what I'll be doing or what my kids will look like. I know I'm not supposed to be able to see the picture clearly, but aren't you supposed to have some foggy idea? And I guess as the years go on I feel like I'll never find someone. I'm gonna go to sleep now.
-Arianah
